George Washington Married a Three-Headed Alien
A Theory
It is true, however, that there was a document signed of
great significance in 1776. It was this marriage contract with an extra
terrestrial being and a prominent British official - George Washington (Oh
yeah, we rewrote that matter with concerning British involvement too). The
marriage only lasted 13 years due to incompatibility. Though the earliest
records do not give this view, I'm under the impression that it was Washington
George Washington married a thee-headed alien. This is a
theory gaining some credence in popular academic circles. It was not until much
later in North American History that the idea of a Constitution and Declaration
of Independence came into being - actually the view popularly held today
originated in the late 18 hundreds in higher education. At this time in our
nation's history our institutions of higher learning were few. A rewriting was
extremely easy. And it was necessary in order to formulate a more
workable/believable history. So the facts, sadly, have disappeared from our
textbooks.
A Possible Future Problem
If I were to print the previous paragraph as fact, it may
gain some credence 15 hundred years from now. "No way!" you say?
Well, I'd like to think that is true. But we have a group of people in
"popular academic"[1] circles
who purport similar things as fact. We are not yet 300 years away from George
Washington right? So you would think that a thousand years from now people will
more readily accept the records of historians and eye witness accounts derived
from those living with and around George Washington. Why would someone accept
the views written on a blog 236 years later? I really have no answer for that.
A Current Problem
Yet, this is exactly what media outlets are suggesting we do
in response to "popular academic" circles who tell us of a Coptic
document from the fourth century that quotes Jesus as saying "my wife."
I heard this on Dateline a couple nights ago (click
here for the NY Times article). Things like this creep up once a month or
two - usually during Christmas or Easter time. I have begun to laugh now. I
probably shouldn't because there are others who listen to these reports less
critically. Even others are searching for something to disprove the early
accounts of the eyewitnesses (written in the first century). For them, this is
convenient. misinformation.
Please take a moment to think about this critically. To accept a Coptic scrap
document instead of the early eye-witness documents of those who knew and
walked with Jesus is like taking my blog's account of George Washington over
the documents written in the 17 hundreds. Why is this not obvious to more
people?
A Possible Human Explanation[2]
I wonder why we, as a culture, like to listen to things like
this? Why does this insanity sell? Well, one reason is that it is different and
scandalous (see below). I've never seen an article in the tabloids at a grocery
store checkout that says - "Bob and Sally from This or That Silly
Movie, married 35 years!" Why? Well, I guess it may not happen much.
But it also does not sell. We put what sells on the cover of those magazines.
That thought aside I'd like to purport another reason.
Conspiracy theorists. These folks are amazing! You can't endure any national
tragedy or enjoy an national victory without some group saying that it did not
happen this or that way (you know the ones I'm referring to). "I have the
real scoop; I have the real knowledge." I guess a secret truth hidden from
others over centuries is much more believable than what everyone else believes.
We are proud like that. We want to know something that everyone else does not
know.
So, if Jesus' closest associates all said that He died on a
Roman cross and rose again the third day complete with hundreds of
eye-witnesses (many of these recorded and verified by secular History). And if
we find no other early witness giving accounts opposing these views. Then why
would we give any credence to a view written countries away centuries away? I
have no idea. Except that it is a scoop that tickles our ears. But if you are
reading this and wondering, please stop wondering believe the Truth revealed in
God's Word.
For my own benefit I may start a new George Washington blog
- this is the inside scoop! He actually married a three headed alien. And if I
get a book deal, perhaps I'll be able to fund my kiddo's education.
[1] By "popular academic" circles I am trying to
set forward a possible motive here for people other than a lack of academic
ability. I don't think that there is a
lack of mental clarity or ability with these folks that continue to put out
such views. However, these conclusions
are so silly that I have to come up with some motive. (Click here for an example of such a
book selling "popular academic"). Another motive would be that of
bitterness and malice. That is possible. Perhaps someone had Christians treat them
like dirt in one way or another (sad to say, it happens too often) so they want
to do as much as possible to "disprove" their beliefs. I'm trying to keep this motive under lock and
key because love things the best. So, I
come to a normal capitalist suggestion. Scandal
sells. Try to sell a book saying that
Jesus lived a perfect life, died for our sins and rose again the third day. Well, that book has already become the best
seller of all time. But, if you come out
with a scandalous option to this and put your name behind that hypothesis you
have a great sell. And, to be honest for
some it has made a quite lucrative career. I'm saying then that they use their
academic letters and ability to be popular.
They appeal to the populous.(After all ,it's sad, but our culture
prefers cartoons to documentaries.) I may be wrong. But that is what I mean by "popular
academic" circles. For a summary book that helps deal with these outlandish
claims of popular academics see Wallace (click here).
[2] Of
course spiritual explanations are replete in Scripture. I'll quote one: "For since the creation of the world His
invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly
seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without
excuse. For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give
thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart
was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory
of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of
birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures. Therefore God gave them
over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be
dishonored among them. For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and
worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed
forever. Amen" (Romans 1:20-25).
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