Developing a Satisfying Loving Relationship

This is the conclusion to my book - "Loving - Developing Loving Relationships"

What a joy great relationships are in life!  But I would like to leave you with one very important and overarching thought.  Only one relationship can satisfy you.  Sadly, people often try to find satisfaction in their relationships when we know that is not possible.  Only God can fill that satisfying role in our lives and if we try to make a relationship with a spouse, friend or child take the place of the role God should play in our lives, we have actually just made an idol.

I often hear counselors, even Christian counselors, give advice that goes along these lines.  “You need to adjust this behavior and continue that habit in marriage so that you can make your spouse happy.”  Or, “Men have this need and women have this need.”  Our job is to meet the other person's needs so they are happy.  I realize that we are all different, and so we all have different needs.  However, in this counsel, and even in the principles written in this book, if we are not careful, we are setting up human relationships as an end in themselves.  If you finally get him or her to do this then you will be happy!  Whereas, we must remember that only one relationship will truly meet the need of humanity. 

If I rely on a right relationship with a spouse to satisfy me then I am holding that relationship in an improper way.  I receive joy and I glorify God in my relationship with my spouse, but I will never have ultimate satisfaction or ultimate fulfillment in family or any other human relationship outside of my relationship with God.

Perhaps we set marriages up for failure if we set the picture of the family and children and white picket fence as that which will satisfy or bring joy.  Only Christ can bring that satisfaction.

Jesus gave the woman at the well this instruction.  He used the illustration of thirst/quenching thirst with water.  She had relationships with many different men seeking to find satisfaction in them.  She thought that the thirst of her soul could be satisfied in human relationships.  But that is not the case.  Jesus encouraged her to believe in Him and that the relationship with Him would cause her to have a never- ending flow of water springing up from inside of her. As a result, her thirst would always be quenched even without any spouse.

“Jesus answered and said to her, ‘Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life’" (John 4:13-14).

Having right relationships on earth is very important.  But it does not quench the thirst of the heart that can only be quenched with a right relationship with the God of heaven through Jesus Christ.

Matthew Henry emphasizes this in one of my favorite devotional books “The Pleasantness of a Religious Life.”[1]

“I have found that satisfaction in communion with God, which I would not exchange for all the delights of the sons of men, and the peculiar treasures of kings and provinces.” (pg. 98)

“Here is bait that has no hook under it, a pleasure courting you which has no pain attending it, no bitterness at the latter end of it; a pleasure which God himself invites you to, and which will make you happy, truly and eternally happy.” (pg. 45).

Setting up a romantic view of the perfect marriage or any other relationship can quickly become idolatrous.  Only Christ is our soul’s true satisfaction.  If we try to find in a spouse what we can find only in our God, then we are committing idolatry.

But we can find in these earthly relationships a joyful gift from our loving heavenly Father.  We find in them the grace to worship Him more as we build one another closer to Him. We find in our marriages the privilege of displaying to all Christ’s relationship with the church. If we keep this in perspective, then we will have fulfilled our goal as fellow travelers on the road of life. At the end of the road, in heaven itself, the relationships never end but are enjoyed without sin, tears, or sorrow.  That will truly be a glorious family reunion!

O Christ, He is the fountain,

The deep, sweet well of love!
The streams of earth I’ve tasted

More deep I’ll drink above:
There to an ocean fullness

His mercy doth expand,
And glory, glory dwelleth

In Immanuel’s land.[2]

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[1] The Pleasantness of a Religious Life, Life as good as it can be.  Christian Focus Publications edition, 2012.

[2] From Anne Cousin Hymn, “The Sands of Time Are Sinking”