Help for Bipolar Church Planters

EXPLORING THE PROBLEM

Church planting is a rush, an adventure, an intoxicating ride.  Church planting is discouraging, a disaster, an uphill climb.  And more often than not it is all of these at the same time! 
 

As I think back on four years of ups and downs of church planting at Grace I've come to wonder if at times I was on the verge of the disorder some psychologist call bipolar.  If I understand correctly, a person with this disorder will go through extreme highs (manic) and extreme lows (depressive).  These two emotional opposites swing back and forth forming a yo yo of personalities and emotions.

 

Riding the church planting roller coaster can wreak similar emotional havoc.  If you don't even out the emotional ride you will develop two personalities as a church planter and neither extreme are consistent with the 'sober mind' required of a minister of the Gospel.

 

The bipolar dynamic-some of this cannot be helped.

1. A pastor must be emotionally connected to the flock individually and corporately.

 

I came to grips with this fact long ago.  Having a pastor who is emotionally attached to his flock is a good thing. He must care for, feed, tend, and oversee, all in love.  So, if you have no emotional feelings regarding individuals in the church and the whole body (church nationally and internationally as well) then you should not pastor.  Go write text books or grade Greek quizzes.  Don't pastor.  In one sense this tie to the health or stability of the work is part of the job description.  Just keep it in check.

 

Our Lord wept over the lack of response from His flock, should not His under shepherds do the same?  If you have no attachment to the flock you are a hireling.  Your services are not needed.

2.  All churches go through ups and downs.  Church plants commonly have more ups and downs than other ministries.

 

No church has one member that is not sinful and selfish at core.  This includes the church leadership of every local church.  The expressions of these sins cause waves in any church environment.

 

No community is without strongholds of sin and satanic opposition.  Any community that a church plant confronts will create its own set of waves of difficulties to surf through.  These waves rock the boat of any church environment.

 

These are two inevitable waves for any ministry.  However, because a church plant is tender, small and young, these ripples seem like waves and waves are  shore-evacuating events.  So, people do just that. They evacuate.  I remember a stretch of a month when our attendance rotated from the mid forties to the mid seventies week to week like a yo-yo.  Some people are happy to ride those waves, others may abandon ship.

 

3. Church planters' emotions ride a roller coaster.

 

Based on the previous two points, a church planter is set up naturally for a roller coaster ride of emotions.  Picking a community in which to start a church is like picking out a roller coaster.  Waiting in the lines of preparation, fund raising, and  core group gathering are weaving  back and forth the long line just to sit down in the front seat of your emotional roller coaster.  And then it begins-often at the beginning you experience a great high followed by a dramatic low.  Your emotions are  screaming for a break.  Perhaps your wife is latching on to your puny arm with a look in her eyes that says, "is this what we signed up for?"  By grace, your children's eyes are closed.  And that is just the beginning.  You still have plenty of ups and downs.  Some  coasters come with their own back muscle straining loops.  At times you feel you are riding upside down only to spin again and realize that you were right side up. 

 

But a roller coaster stops.  The plant does not.  The spiritual victories, those glorious joys in church planting, continue.  And the valleys of discouragement follow quickly on their heels.  If you are not careful you will loose your emotional bearing.  Roller coaster fallout is evidenced by the following:

·      Impatience and irritability with family

·      Overindulging yourself (in sinful or not so sinful things)
·      A deep sense of discouragement and an urge to quit when Sunday's numbers don't add up to your preconceived notions success
·      Self pity
·      Exhaustion
·      Stale worship
·      Jealousy over other men's gifts or "success"

 

ESCAPING THE BIPOLAR MINDSET

So, what do you do to get off the coaster? In most cases, the solution is not getting out of the ministry. Let me offer a few other suggestions. 

 

1. Fix your mind on the sovereignty of God in Christ as the Head of the Church.

 

This is by far the most useful medicine to my mind when surfing from the emotional ups and downs in church planting. When I grumble after a Sunday, I am demonstrating one of two false theological positions. First, I'm doubting the love or sovereignty of the Head of this organism. Or second, I'm delusional enough to think that I'm capable of growing a church.

First, if God is all powerful, and He is, then nothing will stop His advance except what He desires. The 'gates of Hell' stand no formidable opposition for Christ. What else might make a more challenging opponent? Nothing. So, I must trust in Gods power to work in my community for His glory.

If you are not doubting His power, you may be doubting His love. I would never say that, but complaining about circumstances that God could change and has not demonstrates my lack of faith in God's caring for me as He gives me those circumstances. 

 

Secondly, complaining or worrying about the current state may betray that I am delusional. The title church planter is a delusional title. I can no more plant a church than I can fly to the moon and plant a row of corn. My anxiety often demonstrates a misplaced faith. I must work by God's Spirit with as much earnest devotion as I can muster. But then I place my work in His hands to cause the growth. 

 

2. Fix your identity on the love of God in Christ.

I recently got a heart to heart challenge from a Pastor friend who counseled with another pastor who was at his wits end. My friend was deeply touched because his counsel went unheeded and His friend took his own life with a shotgun. As my buddy recounted his counsel, I was deeply affected because I could identify similar thought patterns in my own ministry life. 

 

The man had been a 'successful church planter,' but along the way he lost his identity as being a Christian. His efforts, thinking, and eventually his identity became too wrapped up in the church plant. His identity as a husband, a dad, and as a Christian was eclipsed by this overwhelming burden of a church plant. Local churches ebb and flow, but Christ's love to us is an everlasting constant. We cannot loose sight of the unrivaled thrill of being loved in Christ. This is Gospel.
 

3. Change from a worldly view of success.

I'm often too tied to numbers. I admit it. A Pastor Friend offered this defense -"well, an entire book of the Bible is devoted to Numbers." This is no defense for me. If your Sunday was good or bad based on the attendance or offering, then you are an idolater. These things are nearly irrelevant to Biblical success in a church plant. Was I faithful to God and His Word? Was His Spirit evident in my service? Did I work as hard as possible to be prepared for today? Was I found trustworthy?

 

"This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God.  Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found trustworthy" (1 Cor 4:1-2).
 

4. Find other stuff to do.

I've found this to be very helpful to me. I am extremely involved in the church plant where I serve - it is my passion, my love, the way I feed my kiddos. And so I find it difficult to stop. While with my family, with my Lord, while watching baseball, there is a big chunk of my mind still churning out ideas for the church plant. And that is tiring.

I think some of burnout comes from not turning off the engine for a bit. I've got to rest. The trick is finding things that interest you to the point that your brain can stop and focus attention on something else. 
 

Worship - Primarily, this should come from individual worship. When the surface meditation and prayer ends and we really pick up the serious exhilaration of staring at the glory of God. In true worship, work for God will be lost in enjoying the Person of God. That is the first and primary solution. Again - the solution to every problem is worship.
 

Friends and family - If my wife were not a close friend I'd be shot by now. We really are a team and being able to sit and watch a TV program together after a long day of work is so helpful to me. Develop the spouse relationship to a friendship and hold fast to that! I also have a couple friends in the ministry that I meet with once a month to sit and chat about all that is going on. This has become a help. I enjoy accountability, advice, and friends in the ministry to share challenges - four shoulders on which to cry. You have become too segmented in your pastoral relationships if you don't get with a couple of guys regularly to talk shop. Pastor's fellowships often become too formal, bragging sessions, or time wasters. We need real 'let your hair down (if you still have some) time.'

Other hobbies - I find it great to do a puzzle of some sort. Because I have a hard time sitting still I find this nervous energy allows me to rest while working on something. Perhaps it's shifting my engine down to neutral. There are many types of puzzles - on phones, in boxes, in books. But these are all just non-stressful ways to shift my brain out of drive and give my emotions a break (that is technical talk). I picked up bonsai and put it down. I picked up running and have yet to put it down. Find something you enjoy and do it. Even if it is just a favorite TV show you can enjoy with your wife.

Others probably could give more advice -these are a few thoughts that come to mind. I do see a serious danger in being too emotionally tied to a church ministry. Don't let your love for God's work make you drift away from God.